Wow, was I ever triggered!
Man oh man... I wanted to speak my piece. Something was holding me back! I would hazard a fairly reliable guess that this wasn't about him but about me. If I said something, what would it ultimately cause? Sometimes it pays to sit silently, difficult as it is. What unfolded from there was actually beautiful. I can say that a day later. Lol... Have you had those moments where you say what's really on your mind? Sandra Then instantly regret it. Or where you paid attention to that small nudge to bide your time. It is so easy to cause a fight especially if you feel you have been completely disregarded in a decision.
Was it your decision to make?
Comically this was around an order of multi grain toast at a restaurant over the weekend.. I was so pissed off that he ordered that!
I guess I should fill you in on some of the behind the scenes that led up to this moment. For three weeks I had been reading labels, baking and cooking meals and creating lunches for my husband so he could experience a pain free life. This was the simple step for him, to become GF Gluten Free. He is not celiac but because we heard four causes pain in the joints and elsewhere.
Before I go further, a medical disclaimer. Please seek medical advice from a professional before any major diet changes. I do not claim to be a medical professional. Anything read here is our story and not to be considered medical advice.
Let me tell you I totally forgot Jill Bolte Taylor's 90 second emotional awareness piece. I do know that I was keenly aware of being stuck in that triggered response. It is by choice, subconscious or otherwise to hold on to an emotion longer than 90 seconds.
That's an eye opener eh?! 90 seconds only...
We were at my mom's. They knew about Paul choosing GF, offered a bunch of options for breakfast. Most had wheat flour. We decided to go out for breakfast so he could go gluten free. He orders multi grain toast instead of the GF bun he was offered. Well geez we could have stayed at my mom's for breakfast. I could have fried eggs and made toast with the bread they had. Honestly I felt like I had been slapped in the face. He even made a point of looking at me when the waitress questioned it.
Did he not see that I spent a lot of time reading labels, making his work lunches, creating suppers and even the baked foods in the past three weeks?! I mean I put a lot of time and effort into something for him that he seemed to care less about, in that moment.
And just to prove how little he cared about my hard work for him, he took a handful of Original Munchies when I offered them to him. Could he not remember our conversation from the day before when I told him 50% of the items had gluten in them. Geesh!
Are you seeing how unrealistic I was?
38 years of marriage prepared him to take what I offer
But wait this went way deeper. You may think it's about him but it really it was about me! Days before, I had a realization that I was putting in a whole lot of time into my business and not getting a lot of return on that effort.
Man oh man, give the guy a break. It's only week three, A lifetime of 61 years of eating wheat products. It is also HIS JOURNEY and choices not mine. It had me looking more closely at the reason I was putting in the effort. Not only for him around the GF diet but also why I was sitting at my desk for so many hours.
It gave me the ability to walk away from the computer for the weekend and truly enjoy it. Moving forward I am reevaluating the whys. Why am I doing this or why am I doing that? For some of us this may be about age too. Feeling the squeeze of want ing to accomplish something yet wasting time scrolling or 'building'.
I have come to realize I do what I do for him, out of love not recognition. With regards to time spent at computer or in my space, I am choosing to do forward motion items.
I am here for you if you need help… I am available.