"I feel lost"
When I heard my mom say that we were getting ready to take her to the hospital. That was over a month ago and in reflection I am wondering if that was more of a general statement versus an in the moment statement.
I miss my mom
She was always so bright. Really quite smart and a memory for the smallest of things and more. There has been this song playing on the radio, The Last Time. I want to weep knowing this may be so true, as I rack my brain for when was the last time my mom called me. Last year she missed most of the birthdays and anniversaries, something she faithfully sent cards for and phoned. This is my first experience with this aspect. I watched my aunt. Listening to the things she was forgetting. I lived at their place. I saw it from a different point of view, that of the niece. This is a whole different ball game, witnessing my mom.
I feel quite emotional about it. On her birthday I sat on the edge of her hospital bed looking in her eyes. It felt off. Something was off. I felt it but was unsure what it was. I realized days later that I was wondering if she knew who I was. She looked confused. My hair is no longer the red hair I had growing up. I remember visiting a family friend in the 'cottage' ward years ago. She thought I was my mom because of my hair. She didn't recognize me for me. She had been at my birth. She had watched me grow up. She had been at my wedding. Yet in that moment she recognized me as my mom. This is what it felt like sitting by my mom. She knew she should know me. In fact she knew I was her daughter, because of the situation and comments made. My name may have alluded her in the moment. That phrase "I feel lost" had a far deeper, sinister meaning. I think it meant more than the anxious moment of uncertainty of what was going on in the moment. My mom was telling me something VERY IMPORTANT.
Then the wild fires of West Kelowna, BC started. A further disconnect. All I have is what another person is relaying to me. I want to see my mom. I want to talk with my mom. I want my mom!
I am grateful for the conversations I have had in the past. I am grateful I chose to make the 8-hour drive whenever I needed a MOM Hug. I have these moments.
There have been a few powerful moments lately. I have witnessed her brother, Paul, with her. This is my long gone uncle. He was standing by her bedside. Another time I witnessed all of her brothers and her parents around her. They are supporting her. For this I am thankful.
She wants to go home. It is our hope she can. Time and her own strength of will are the determining factors. One evening when we were at a particular low point, I reached out to Higher Self. The next day was completely different. There is power in the non-physical work we do. The spiritual work we do.
Join me in the free class - REWRITE ENERGY - The result of rewriting what has happened to you in previous years is that you can break the cycle of the way the emotions from that event have been influencing your life.
What cycle are you repeating? Let's rewrite it - REWRITE ENERGY